Goals...

What's your secret goal? The one you always have in the back of your mind that you wish and hope for but never attain? I know you have one; everybody does. For some it's more obvious goals like stopping smoking, or not doing drugs. For others it might be something smaller like completing a walk around the neighborhood. As for me, I have a goal waiting inside just like you.

My goal has been to look on the outside like the woman I feel on the inside. If you know me, you know I'm a pretty happy person. I love being around people, I love laughing, and I love life. But as much as 95% of me loves everything I do, there's that 5% always there, always nagging me, always bringing me down. When it comes down to it, I feel like I'm a fairly healthy person. I always had roommates who praised me for working out so much, saying they could never get up as early as I did to work out. I've run two half marathons and I'd say that's pretty amazing! But, there are things that I do that are not healthy.

You all know the feeling of waking up in the morning still feeling run down from the day before? Well that feeling occurs more and more in my life then I want it to. I've watched the Biggest Loser for almost all the seasons, and the past five or six I've been an avid watcher. But tonight the show really sunk deep in to me and got me thinking about how I'm living my life. I honestly think it's Hannah. For those of you who watch the show you know how amazing she is-and when I look at where she was I see myself, and when I see where she is now, I picture myself on the inside.

I analyzed whether or not to even write a post about something like this, it's a pretty personal thing, and for those of you who know me you know I keep the pretty personal aspects of my life pretty private, and it's hard for me to open up. But there's a quote that goes somewhere along the lines of, " If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." I've tried doing this on my own for years and years and years. But slowly I've gotten unhealthy on the outside instead of better, and I don't feel like I truly reflect who I am on the inside. I think the thing that's really hitting me today and lately is that the real world is upon me now. In 3 1/2 months I will be working with 25+ third graders a day and I want to give them the best learning experience they can possibly have. How can I give them 100% of myself if there's 5% that is constantly nagging me. So here's to setting goals.

Anne of Green Gables puts it best with a line that says, "Not failure but low aim is crime." I realize that by writing this post doesn't automatically guarantee that things are going to change. But I've never been so open about this before, never had the mind set that I have now, and I think it's time. I was always wanted it for the wrong reasons, but that's changed. It's time for me to do something different to get a different result. I'm starting where many of the contestants are week 5 or 6 on the biggest loser, but I would love to end up where some of them are today. My goal, (and remind you low aim is crime!) is to lose 3 pant sizes by the fall. I've never been one to really care about the scale, although it matters, but I know what it feels like to button up pants that are too tight but have to wear them because there are no other options in the closet. So I ask you for support. The simple act of knowing there are others out there who have now read this who will know what my goal is will help make a difference. So here's to changing what I'm doing to get a different result, a result that will lead me to be the woman on the outside I know I am on the inside.